I am Doll
My Boyfriend and Ana, How We Make It Work

My boyfriend knows good and well all about my eating disorders and struggles with food. He has seen me when I couldn’t even look at food without throwing up and been with me as my support as much as I would let him. He understood that trying to force me to stop wouldn’t help me any, if anything it would make it worse. But it got to a place where it was affecting him too. I realized right then that I needed to do something. Find some sort of balance. For him.

I love him with my very being and I don’t want to hurt him. I was tired of being his pain and tired of hating myself no matter what I did. Puked, binged, starved, hid food, etc. etc. etc. So I decided it was time to get better. I made the decision to make this my last walk with ana and mia, then say our goodbyes as soon as I hit my goal weight. This means that I had to understand that I would be gradually reintroducing healthy eating habits throughout this journey and continuing them on when I was done.

This made my man very happy indeed but just me saying it wasn’t going to be enough. I actually needed to follow through with it and work out a way to keep him under ease and me mentally sound. Now you don’t have to choose recovery in order to do this by the way, that is just what I chose. Just do what you can do and what you are ready to do. We now have a relationship filled with compromise. We established eating rules and boundaries. The examples are as follows:

- No more puking

- I have to eat something

- At least 400 cal a day

- I have to talk to him about a diet I want to do before I do it to get approval and/or make a compromise

These are just some basic rules we established. If I want to change anything (such as me doing the 2468 diet) I need to run it by him. He is more important to me than anything else in the world and his happiness is my concern. I am willing to work with him just as he was willing to work with me regardless of these rules or not. If you are having some relationship problems then maybe consider establishing ground rules like these? Whatever works for you.

For more relationship advice please refer to another one of my posts: Here. I am not a professional at all, this is just my own personal experience and suggestion. I just want to be a possible help to those struggling to maintain a relationship as well as their lifestyle choices. I hope you have a happy and wonderful relationship.

Stay strong.

How To Balance The Boyfriend and the Eating Disorder

I have read countless pro ana blogs and how there is such a struggle to manage a relationship as well as the eating disorder. Often times the relationship has ended from something in relation to the ED or downright because of it. This doesn’t have to be so, however. I have my own thoughts and opinions on the matter and I think it might prove valuable to some of you. So here we go, on to some things to consider…

1. First and foremost if he isn’t willing to work with you and your ED then how can you expect him to work with you through anything else life throws at you? Think about it. If you two aren’t at a place in your relationship where you two are in love, then you can’t exactly weigh this in terms of how much he loves you. But if you two are in a relationship then I am assuming you two want to be for as long as you can. If that is the case then this means you two are going to need to be willing to help each other through thick and thin. Stupid little things to drastic big things and everything in between. If he isn’t willing to do that then frankly there isn’t much to lose. Sorry.

2. If he is willing to work with you, you must take into consideration whether or not if he has gone through any level of what you are. You can’t exactly blame him if he has no clue about what you’re going through. You might as well be speaking a foreign language. What I do in this instance is try and explain whatever it is I am going through (anxiety over binging, lack of confidence, fear of food, etc) in a way that my man will understand. Just the other day I was freaking out because my scale broke. He couldn’t grasp the intensity of the situation as I perceived it so I explained that it was the feeling of ‘all lights suddenly going out in a pitch black scary street with no way to see where you’re going’ and he knew then how to help.

3. Speaking of perception; just because it is huge and astronomical in your eyes does not mean it is in his. A lot of the time we forget that everyone feels differently unless proven otherwise. So he may react in a way that can be considered offensive or insensitive and not even realize it. Again you have to talk to him to try and give him a chance of understanding and then explain how whatever his reaction was, if bothersome, how it was bothersome. Give him the chance to try and understand instead of instantly taking everything as wrong and running away with it. This does not help you nor does it help your relationship. As cliche as it may be, communication is important.

4. But sometimes he just isn’t going to understand. Plain and simple, this is a definite possibility and you know what you do? This is where you need to help yourself. Don’t blame him because he doesn’t deserve that guilt. But find a way to vent your feelings. If he can’t help you by relating then he might be able to help you by serving as an emotional lightening rod. But please please please talk to him about it prior so you don’t just randomly attack him verbally and he is sitting there trying to figure out if you’re crazy or should start yelling back.

5. He may be completely against your eating disorder in such a way he tries to work with you, against it. This right here is where the big kicker is as far as a relationship is concerned. Sometimes you’re just not ready to do the healthy thing and he may want what is best for you but want it now and not even bother to listen to any other option. In this instance if you explaining that it takes time or you’re not ready isn’t working, you might need to seek help from a professional (therapist) or heck, even a mutual friend to try and reason with him. When you say it he might think that it is entirely the ED speaking, but if he hears it from someone else, he might listen. Maybe. Other than this, I have no other ideas. Good luck I guess. :c

6. If you aren’t wanting to “quit” your ED anytime or anytime soon, communication and sensitivity. Seriously. It is a strain and sadness to watch your loved one undergo suffering, especially when self inflicted. This is where you need to be sensitive and keep that in mind. You’re lucky if he isn’t griping you or laying on additional stress about it. You’re lucky if he is trying to work with you. If he accepts you for you, eating disordered or not, then you are a very lucky lady and you need to do your best for you AND him. Whatever that translates to for the both of you.

By no means am I a professional. This is literally just things that I have gone through myself and wanted to share with you. I hope I could provide some sort of help. If you have any more suggestions and experiences then please feel free to let me know. I am happy to do what I can to help you and others. I wish I could of provided more advice but again, I am just another person living just another life.

Good luck to you and may you have a wonderful relationship.